


Last Line of Defense

by LeaOotori



Series: The Emotionally Constipated Pendragons [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, Crack Treated Seriously, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is alive because I said so, F/F, Love Confessions, M/M, Merlin is secretly handling all the threats and getting no recognition for it, Morgana is the least-smooth person on the planet, Mutual Pining, POV Gwen (Merlin), actually she's second only to Arthur himself, i have no idea what i've done, literally the dumbest thing I've ever written, no beta we die like men, the Pendragons are awkward and in love with their servants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 09:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19885387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeaOotori/pseuds/LeaOotori
Summary: “Gee, great idea Arthur!” Merlin said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Let’s justaskher what her plan is! Why didn’t I think of that?” He looked back at his king with a mocking smile. “She’s just gonna lay there and tell us what she has hidden up her sleeve and tell us how to stop it—"“It’s my super secret weapon,” Morgana interrupted, leaving Merlin slack-jawed. “And it can only be stopped in one way.”orThe Pendragons are awfully emotionally constipated and are incapable of confessing their feelings like normal human beings. Thanks a lot, Uther.(crack!)





	Last Line of Defense

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!! This is my first fic for Merlin (I actually just recently got into the show as well...talk about being late to the party!) and I saw a tumblr post that inspired me to write this (linked in end note). Be warned, this was written at 3AM when I was high on sleep deprivation and mango tea, so it's not exactly what would call a good piece of writing. It sorta alternates between crack and seriousness and in all honesty, I have no idea what I have done. (sorry about the mess of tags too ahaha) 
> 
> I hope you like it!!

The cavernous winding halls of the rotting castle smelled of stagnant water and something distinctly metallic. _Possibly blood,_ Gwen thought for a moment, feeling disconcerted by the thought. _Surely not,_ she reassured herself, trying to think positive thoughts. _Maybe it’s just iron ore._ _Or something like that._

****

She paused for a moment as the knights crowded up in the corner, peaking around the piled stalactites dripped from the slanting ceiling to see if there was anyone on patrol as they neared the center of the castle. For a witch’s super-secret lair, the place was criminally under guarded. 

****

“Coast clear,” Leon mumbled in a low tone, brandishing his sword as he darted across the cramped hall, plastering himself to the dusty wall. Elyan, Percival, and Gwaine followed his lead while Arthur, Lancelot, Merlin, and Gwen crowded together on the opposite wall, Gwen sandwiched in between with Merlin. _“We have to protect our damsels,”_ Arthur had said before they had ventured into enemy territory, to which Gwen had looked much more murderous than Merlin could seem to muster up. Apparently, despite her cold-blooded warnings to not show her any extra favoritism, the knights had fallen into the familiar pattern of chivalry, and here she was, squished against a wall of muscle. 

****

Gwen would have filed this instance away to protest later, but the fact that the irony smell in the air was _indeed_ blood kept her from complaining too much about her predicament. She eyed a streak of scarlet red on the cracked tile distastefully, wondering what (or who) had been dragged across the halls in such a wounded state. Almost as if out of nowhere, there was a sudden pounding of footsteps and growls heading in the direction of the hall the group was currently crowding. 

****

“Sire,” Elyan whispered hurriedly. “We’ll hold them off.”

****

Gwen saw something serious pass between the eyes of her king and her brother before Arthur gave a stiff nod. “Let’s go,” he said, jogging the opposite direction from the approaching madness, hearing yells and sword clashes as Merlin, Lancelot, and Gwen tailed him towards the heart of the palace. _Convenient,_ Gwen mused as she tried to keep up with the men. _It's like the lamps are leading us right to her._

****

They managed to find another vantage point to crowd behind, trying to catch their breaths. “What now?” Gwen asked, fingers shaking to grip at her sword. 

****

“Morgana is likely in the throne room,” Arthur mumbled, peaking down the hall. “If we can subdue her, we can get her to call off those beast men.” 

****

Gwen shuddered at the reminder of the animalistic soldiers prowling the hallways. With the limbs and snouts and bodies of wolves, they seemed to have human tendencies and dispositions, making it all the more unsettling when they looked in one’s way. For weeks, these “werewolves”, as they were known, had been prowling about the Camelot countryside, almost as if subdued and waiting to strike. As they were nearly impossible to slay, as they had discovered, Arthur himself had taken off to defend Camelot from the latest magical danger by striking at the heart of the most recent monster-of-the-day: Morgana. 

And of course, Gwen had insisted she come along. For some strange reason. To help, of course. Not because she wanted to see Morgana again or anything. Of _course_ not. 

****

“You know, if they’re part wolf, you’d think they’d be able to smell us,” Merlin remarked unhelpfully. 

****

“You’re right, _Mer_ lin, they’d be able to smell _you_ with the way you have the same _alluring_ scent as a pig sty.” Arthur replied scathingly, teasing gaze holding none of the menace laced into his words. 

****

“Hey, not everyone is a royal prat with the luxury to bathe everyday!” The servant hissed before ducking down to smell his neckerchief experimentally. “And I smell fine!”

****

“Define _fine_.” 

****

“You—"

****

“They’ll hear us,” Lancelot whispered, looking awfully like a single mother with rowdy children. 

****

Arthur and Merlin both turned away, silent with unreadable expressions on their faces. “Lancelot, Gwen, take the right,” the king said finally. “Merlin and I will take the left.” 

****

The three nodded their understanding, and at Arthur’s signal, they took off across the hall in a thundering mess of footsteps and clanging chainmail against armor as shouts and growls rung out behind them. 

****

“We can’t unrun them!” Gwen gasped, skidding around a corner.

****

“I’ll take them!” Lancelot yelled, slowing down. “Go on!” He skidded to a stop, whipping around with his glinting sword to slash clean through the closest werewolf, though it kept on lunging forward as if unharmed. More blood splattered across the floor, adding to the putrid scent of the halls. 

****

_Dear gods,_ Gwen thought, covering her nose as she ran. _They need cleaning staff around here._

****

“There!” Merlin yelled, pointing to a wide hall that ended with a throne room. The doors to the chamber were splayed wide open, displaying Morgana sitting upon a dull golden throne. 

****

The three raced into the room, Arthur slashing his sword around in empty air to see absolutely nothing approaching them. “Morgana!” He bellowed, face pinched in disbelief. “Stop this!”

****

_No security in this place,_ Gwen pondered, looking about as she readjusted her grip on her sword. _Surely, there must at least be a guard around here if not a knight of some sort… are there knighted werewolves?_

****

She took the moment to glance around the room, trying her best not to think of werewolves in chainmail, taking in the strange surroundings. Like much of the castle, the room was in a bad condition and falling apart. 

****

However… it appeared someone had at least _tried_ to put it back together. Her gaze flitted across the chamber, taking in the gaudy golden streamers tacked across the arches of the ceiling, the rose petals scattered haphazardly across the floor, and the delicate scented candles lighting up various alcoves. 

****

If she didn’t know better, Gwen would have read the intentions of the decor as… _romantic?_ Her attention snapped back to Morgana, whose throne, while dull, seemed to have been polished recently to the best of its shine. The witch herself, in a similar fashion, seemed to be done up to the best of her ability. Her hair was braided and knitted into an elaborate high bun, shorter strands framing her face prettily, her breasts pushed up in a narrow corset and framed by a black lace dress that stuck to the former ward’s every curve, bringing out her darkly-outlined eyes and sinfully red mouth. 

****

“What do you mean to accomplish by this?” Arthur asked desperately, apparently unaware or uncaring of his sister’s new and odd taste in decor and attire. 

****

Morgana simply smiled at the three of them, gaze lingering on Gwen for a moment longer than the men. “Such a _politely_ phrased question, is it not?” She asked, resting her chin on a hand, watching them with something akin to amusement. “It simply begs to be answered.”

****

She stood up, leading Arthur to take a battle stance. Beside him, Merlin looked ready to drop his sword at any moment. Morgana paused for a moment, a twisted smile falling into place in her features. Suddenly, she flicked a hand and Arthur went sailing across the room, narrowly missing a hulking glass vase that he had been hurtling towards as it flew away to the side. _Is that how the laws of physics work now?_ Gwen wondered distantly before shrugging it off. It wasn’t as if inanimate objects followed the laws of the Earth often in Camelot. Perhaps that was something that warranted investigation. 

****

In her musing about the dishes floating above the ground before falling and the convenient falling branches and suddenly-clumsy trained assassins that always seemed to target the king, Gwen missed Merlin running towards Arthur, shouting and hissing as he did so. “You need to stop this, Morgana!” Merlin yelled, voice bordering on dangerous. _Merlin? Dangerous? He’s like a puppy._

****

“Or what?” The witch asked, grin widening. She turned her gaze to Gwen, who tightened her grip on the sword. “How about this, Merlin. You stay put with your darling dimwit of a king and I won’t hurt your friend here.”

****

Gwen froze, meeting Merlin’s eyes from across the room. He looked conflicted, as if he was considering defeating Morgana with his own bare hands. “Move out of the way, Gwen.” The servant said, rising. 

****

“Sit down, Merlin!” Gwen hissed, panicked. “Listen to her!”

****

“Sit down??” The servant asked in turn. 

****

“Yes! What in heaven’s name are _you_ going to do to defeat _Morgana?”_

****

Merlin looked hurt, mouth opening and closing like he was a fish. “Ex _cuse_ me but—“

****

“ _Listen_ to me Merlin! I appreciate the thought but—" Gwen looked from the witch to the brunet, shaking her head. “Unless you’re going to use your less-than-average dish-washing skills to battle her—"

****

“ _Less than average??”_ Merlin sputtered. “I’ll have you know I'm _plenty_ good at washing dishes—" 

****

“That’s _enough_ ,” Morgana said, rolling her eyes. “You will shut up, _servant boy.”_ She made a dramatic movement with a hand and Gwen squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the telltale thump of Merlin hitting a wall or something (probably sharp or heavy) hitting him instead.

****

When she heard nothing, she opened her eyes to see a perfectly-intact and triumphant looking Merlin standing in front of the still-unconscious Arthur, while Morgana looked on in confusion. _Did Merlin do something or is it his insanely good luck again?_ Gwen watched a her former Lady swished her hands about again, muttering more and more incantations under her breath in an attempt to do something that was probably meant to be painful. 

****

“This can’t be,” the witch sputtered, looking down at her hands. Her eyes flickered from yellow to blue repeatedly like a candle down to the end of its wick. “What’s happening?”

****

Gwen wasn’t going to waste a chance. 

****

She lunged, knocking Morgana down and pushing her sword to her throat. The witch gasped loudly, eyes blown wide and locking with Gwen’s. For a moment, the maidservant saw what seemed reminiscent of the days she had spent taking care of Morgana. Her eyes held all the softness they had held all those dawns spent in the Lady’s chambers, having been up all night to chase away nightmares. They held all the softness of the first time Gwen had taken Morgana to see her rickety little house, with her blacksmith father bumbling with praises and smiles in nervousness. They held all the softness of all the times Gwen had helped her dress and talked her down from her anger at Uther and held her hand as she cried over another stageplay. Something ached in Gwen’s chest that she couldn’t bear to ignore. 

****

But ignore it she did. “Give up, Morgana.” She said finally, voice husky with emotion as she dutifully avoided the witch’s intense look. “Call off the werewolves.” 

****

The witch scowled, but it didn’t reach her whole face. Merlin shook his head in the corner of Gwen’s vision. “They’re already down.” _How in the world,_ Gwen thought in disbelief. _How does he know?_

****

Seemingly on cue, they heard clanking footsteps coming in their direction. Gwen turned to see Leon and Elyan, trailed by Gwaine and Percival lugging a bruised Lancelot with them. 

****

“Lancelot!” Merlin cried, starting towards his friend. 

****

“He’s alright,” Elyan said reassuringly. “Just a little beat up.”

****

“What happened to the King?!” Leon asked, panic rising in his voice as he rushed over. 

****

“He’s just unconscious,” Merlin said, looked backing over at Gwen and Morgana. “She knocked him out.”

****

Gwaine turned to the witch, letting Percival handle Lancelot as he stomped over. “Listen here, Morgana,” he said, scowling. “You’re going to cooperate with us if you don’t want to get roughed up, alright?” 

****

The former ward just laughed, throat bobbing up dangerously against the blade still held to her neck. “Oh, how naive.” She said simply. “Are you not even the least bit suspicious?” 

****

“Of what?” 

****

“Of this! Of everything!” Her laugh sounded hysterical. “You knew exactly where to go! Exactly where I was!"

Elyan frowned. "The maps and the rumors... they led us here."

Morgana rolled her eyes. "You had an unobstructed passage here.” 

****

Leon furrowed his brow, pausing his tending of Arthur, who had just begun to rise. “We knew how to fight and did it with all the vigor we could to defend Camelot.” 

****

The witch simply scoffed. "And not a single causality or serious wound? Not to a single citizen of Camelot nor knight? Does that not seem a little fortunate?”

****

“We’re the best knights in the realm!” Elyan said, sounding awfully defensive. 

****

“The densest knights, apparently,” Morgana smiled. “How about the conveniently lit hallways to lead you all here? And the lack of guards?”

****

“There were guards! Percival sputtered. “The ones we fought, and Lancelot—“ 

****

“Simply to split you up for the time being.”

****

Gwen looked over to Merlin, who had fixed Morgana with a dark gaze. “Is this a trap?” He asked, voice frighteningly low. 

****

The woman in question ignored his inquiry, instead turning back to Gwen. “You have been careless. I have a last line of defense.” She said, dreadfully cryptic. 

****

Arthur took that moment to remain consciousness, groaning. “Are you alright, sire?” Leon asked, rushing to his king’s side. 

****

“Fine and dandy,” Arthur grumbled, rubbing the back of his head as he pushed himself off the floor. “Last line of defense, huh, Morgana?”

****

“I’m not talking to _you_ ,” his sister began. 

****

“Just spit it out,” the king groaned. “What _is_ it?” The knights stiffened again, all gripped their swords, even Lancelot, who was using Percival to stay upright. 

****

“Gee, _great_ idea Arthur!” Merlin said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Let’s just _ask_ her what her plan is! Why didn’t I think of that?” He looked back at his king with a mocking smile. “She’s just gonna lay there and tell us what she has hidden up her sleeve and tell us how to stop it—“ 

****

“It’s my super secret weapon,” Morgana interrupted, leaving Merlin slack-jawed. “And it can only be stopped in one way.” Gwen blinked, hands starting to go numb from holding the blade precariously for so long. Everyone held their breaths, waiting for something to happen. “By kissing me.” 

****

The witch’s eyes remained glued to Gwen. 

****

“What,” the maid said, voice deadpan in her confusion. 

****

“For _god’s_ sake!” Gwaine yelled, cursing under his breath as he dropped his sword. 

****

“What,” Gwen repeated, utterly dumbfounded. 

****

“I’m not going to repeat myself,” Morgana said, voice bordering dangerously on a pout. 

****

Arthur groaned. “I definitely hit my head too hard.”

****

“I’m beginning to _wish_ I hit my head too,” Merlin grumbled, facepalming. 

****

“You… want me to kiss you?” Gwen said slowly, loosening her grip on her sword. 

****

“Don’t you understand English!?” The witch grumbled, refusing to meet the witch’s gaze. “I’m not gonna spell it out for you.” 

****

Gwen squinted. “You could have just…” she trailed off. “Asked me to court you. Or something. The army wasn't really... necessary.” 

****

Morgana blinked, surprised. “Is that suggesting you would say yes if I asked?”

****

“Gods above,” Gwaine groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “Next time you need a wingman, just ask. No need to raise a werewolf soldiery for that.” 

****

The witch just ignored the annoyed knight, eyes glued to Gwen. “Is that a yes or no,” she stressed. 

****

“Just kiss her already, damnit!” Elyan sighed, throwing his hands in the air. 

****

“Come on, Merlin,” Arthur said, taking a hand through his hair. The servant and Leon trailed behind him, looking over their shoulders in obvious amusement and disbelief. 

****

“It’s a yes,” Gwen mumbled, finally dropping her blade. “But afterwards, remind me, we need to talk about your communication issues.”

****

“Done,” Morgana grinned, lurching up and grabbing Gwen’s face in her hands. “Not my fault I’m awkward.”

****

Still thoroughly annoyed, Elyan, Percival, and Gwaine left the throne room, lugging along a passed out Lancelot and shutting the doors heavily behind them. “The next time someone involves me in their elaborate love schemes I’m going to kill them.”

****

* * *

****

They had found their way out of the decrepit castle to the back lawns, where the knights, Arthur, and Merlin dawdled, waiting for Gwen and Morgana to catch up. “I don’t even want to imagine what’s going on up there,” Elyan groaned, sharing a look with Arthur. The two of them were going through identical pain.

****

“Please, let’s stop talking about it,” Arthur sighed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. The knights listened to him (a rarity in its own), quieting in their exhaustion. 

****

“She could’ve asked me for help,” Gwaine sighed regretfully after a moment's pause. “Believe me, rooftops and flowers are _much_ more romantic than werewolf armies and confessions at swordpoint.” 

****

“We _get_ it, Gwaine,” Merlin piped up, sighing good-naturedly. “You missed the wingman opportunity of the century. Boohoo.” 

****

“You don’t understand the _severity_ of this matter, Merlin—" the knight began before he was interrupted and shushed by the others, laughing and teasing him. Merlin watched them all with a fond smile on his face, his own tiredness beginning to wear him down. 

****

“Say, Merlin,” Arthur said, having been quiet during all of Gwaine’s mourning. The servant turned his eyes to his king, who seemed to be having trouble picking out words. 

****

“What is it?”

****

Arthur hesitated. “Uh… if you ever needed to confess. To a lover, I mean. Don’t do what Morgana did.”

****

Merlin blinked. “Okay?” 

****

“Just…” The king paused. “Just confess to them. Normally.” 

****

“To who?” The servant asked, a blush rising to his face. 

****

“The person who— the person— your— your lover.” 

****

“Oh.” Merlin pulled at his threadbare sleeves. “Alright.” Unnoticed by either of them, the knights had quieted, taking in the conversation silently. “Believe it or not, not everyone is as emotionally constipated as the Pendragon family.”

****

Arthur laughed weakly, not even responding to the jab. He paused again before coughing awkwardly. “So… are you going to?”

****

“What?” The servant choked suddenly. 

****

“ _Confess_ , you dimwit.” 

****

At that, Merlin screwed his face up. “Why do _I_ have to do it?” He asked, sounding much like a whiny child. “Why don’t they do it instead??” 

****

“Because they don’t _want_ to!” Arthur replied, sounding scandalized. “Gods, you’re so _dense,_ Merlin,” he shook his head, getting up. “Good thing you don’t even have anyone to confess to!” 

****

“Who said I didn’t?” Merlin asked, indignant. “Maybe I do!”

****

“Who would fall for…” the king gestured widely to Merlin’s entire body. “Anyone who did is certainly the biggest idiot to walk the Earth.”

****

Merlin’s eyes narrowed, and the pair went on bickering like an old married couple, voice rising and various inanimate objects being chucked across the lawn as they did. Morgana and Gwen walked out then, bundled in sweeping capes and hand in hand. The maid was still flushing up to her ears, but Morgana has never looked more confidant. “Hello there, boys!” She greeted with a cheeky smile as her gaze drifted to her brother and his servant. “What did we miss?”

****

Gwaine grinned, a devilish shine in his eye. “Oh, you haven’t missed anything yet,” he said. 

****

The girls looked confused at that. “What he means to say—" Elyan began before Gwaine stopped him with a hand over his mouth. 

****

“Ladies,” Gwaine said, looking awfully terrifying with that evil expression on his face. “Brace yourselves. The Gods have given me a second chance.” He planted his hands on his hips, turning to point Arthur and Merlin beginning to walk away from the clustered group, still going strong with their verbal battle. “I’m going to be the wingman of the century.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this tumblr post
> 
> So, what did you think? I'm sincerely sorry for putting you guys through reading that mess :D I'm not exactly sure what was going on except that Merlin was just taking care of all the real fighting on his own while everyone just takes the credit for it, ahahah. 
> 
> Since this is my first Merlin fic, I still haven't really the hang of the character dynamic and how that works out, so I would love constructive criticism about that or anything else in this fic. :) Kinda strange to ask for that on a crack!fic, but here I am. :D I'm dedicated to realistic crack, okay? 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please drop a kudos or comment if you'd like. :)


End file.
